


Cold Bite

by firecube



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Gen, M/M, Oneshot, Original World, post-Tokyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 16:17:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5381771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firecube/pseuds/firecube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is nothing good or pure about him, nothing worth saving.  He had fun before.  And he had learned his lesson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold Bite

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Tsubasa and its characters belong to CLAMP.  
> A/N: I’m warning you right now that this is depressing.

This world is cold, although it’s a rather different cold than of that he had so well known. It isn't the stark, biting cold, full of feeling, of Ceres, and it isn't the cruel bottomless cold, the incarnation of his despair, of Valeria.

This cold is flat. Like the feeling of lying against blank grey steel. Fai allows the atmosphere to seep into him. He thinks it’s what he needs.

It seems that they have found themselves in darker worlds like this since Tokyo. Which is fortunate. Being forced to face worlds of gaiety and light – warmth – would only add to the cruelty. Especially now that his mask was so shattered, reshaped with bitter aloofness.

Kurogane is angry with Fai and he knows it; likewise, Fai is angry with Kurogane. Out of necessity. He wouldn’t quite know how to explain why Kurogane is angry him. And furthermore it isn’t something as simple as pure anger, something Fai denies to all, but none more so than himself.

He can never be emancipated from that dirty little sin known as the lie. He isn't sure that he cares anymore.

The snow has piled higher and inundated his mind and he accepts it.

Sakura-chan’s warmth has been sullied, as well. Even more so than his own, much more so, as hers is so honest. Even her despair, the main common grounds between the two of them of late, overflows with honesty. And even now, when the Princess has been driven to trickery and deception, that attribute hasn’t faded in the least. Because there is such a thing as an honest lie. At the very least, Fai feels there is.

So he comforts the Princess and knows it isn't right. The worst thing he could do to anyone would be to love them. He is putting the child in danger of Misfortune’s Curse. That’s why he must hate Kurogane. (He’s going to have to kill the man one day, anyways. That was known long before the beginning.) But Sakura-chan is pushing away the other “Syaoran”-kun, and Fai knows that she is doing it to protect him, even if not directly from herself. Fai knows that pain, and he pities her, explaining his actions away in that she is a ward to be protected, and should she be without any form of emotional crutch, the poor, sweet child would surely collapse.

Many a night he will remain by Sakura-chan’s as she cries herself to sleep. Never will she cry audibly, allowing only silent tears to flow and hoping that Fai doesn’t realize. Most often of all, her wails of despair remain inside, where no one else can hear. Fai should know. He can only hope she never comes anywhere near, let alone reach, his own level of darkness.

Last night in this cold world, Sakura-chan having only drifted off a few minutes before, “Syaoran”-kun stood on the other side of the door, poised to knock, obviously undecided. The boy does well in stealth, but that kind of thing is no longer of any use against Fai, with his heightened vampiric senses.

He stood up from the corner and eased the door open slowly. “Syaoran” stepped back a few paces, eyes downcast, which Fai could now see even in the moonless night.

“Sa – The Princess hardly ate at all today, and I was worried,” the boy whispered in explanation.

“Your worry only serves to put her in greater hurt.”

His voice became firmer. “But you’re worried for the Princess as well. Even if she doesn’t want me by her side, I doubt she begrudges me for worrying.”

“I never said anything about begrudging,” Fai replied blankly. “Her pain is of the purest form. The more you try to hinder it, the worse it becomes. For everyone involved.”

“Syaoran” shut the Princess’s door pointedly. “Kurogane-san mentioned that he was thinking about coming to get you.” He turned his head over his shoulder as he was about to walk off. “And excuse me for saying so, but I believe that you are speaking less of the Princess’s pain than your own.”

Fai watched the boy return to his room, murmuring to himself, “There is _nothing_ pure about _my_ pain. There is not one good or pure thing about me.”

Kurogane would surely come to get him, and part of Fai wanted to make him, but it somehow seemed like it would bear too much similarity to the teasing and innocently malicious stunts from before, things he’d rather the both of them forget.

So he sauntered into the front room of the apartment, finding Kurogane with a glass of liquor in hand, Mokona curled up on the coffee table beside the ninja’s large feet.

He asked the man “What do you want?” in look rather than voice.

Kurogane’s crimson eyes narrowed. “You need to drink.”

Fai raised his eyebrows, taking the bottle that rested on the table and downing the spirits that remained before returning it with a clunk. Mokona stirred in their sleep.

“That’s not what I meant, idiot.” Kurogane’s tone was soft. He did that sometimes, spoke gently. Fai really wished he wouldn’t.

“I’m not thirsty,” Fai replied, an air of a warning under his voice.

Kurogane sighed and downed the rest of his drink, stood up and unsheathed Souhi, which had been resting against the couch. “You should know by now that it makes no difference to me what you want. I have no idea what’s going on in that crazy head of yours, and frankly, I don’t care to have one. I’m just carrying out my responsibility for the choice I made.”

Fai was about to remind him that it was never his choice to make, but a blade cut through flesh, thick fragrant blood flowed, and single cerulean eye turned golden and slitted, and Fai drank.

Never in his long life had he imagined that blood could taste so fine. That was before Kurogane had turned him into a monster. (Who was he kidding? He had always been a monster, had never been anything good, anything worth saving.) But no matter how sweet this blood may have tasted, it never failed to leave an unbearably bitter taste in his mouth.

He wakes up today on the couch that he had found Kurogane sitting on. He knows there’s a blank spot in his memory, from during and after his meal. That happens sometimes, when his vampiric instincts overload him. Especially when he goes for long intervals without drinking.

Mokona lies curled up atop Fai’s chest, rising and falling with Fai’s breath.

The Sun begins to peek further in through the curtains, and Fai squints uncomfortably. Although the legends of the deadly effects sunlight has on vampires are false, it seems that they are indeed sensitive to the Sun’s rays. Fai finds too much sunlight painful, especially in his eye. It makes sense, considering that all of his senses have escalated. He wonders how much higher they are for purebloods like those twins they encountered in Tokyo.

He even would have wondered if anything had happened between them and the hunter brothers, had he the room to do so.

Mokona wiggles around and blinks their wide violet eyes open. “Good morning, Fai,” they greet sleepily but cheerful.

“Good morning,” Fai replies, giving the little creature a faint smile, lifting them up in his hands as he sits up.

“Is Fai feeling okay?” Mokona questions.

“I’m doing fine,” he says, although without the fake grin of reassurance he had relied on so often in the past.

“Fai collapsed last night,” Mokona expounds. “Kurogane caught him and laid him on the couch. Both Mokona and Kurogane were worried, so Mokona decided to stay with Fai.”

The thought of Kurogane being worried for him causes an unwanted pain in Fai’s chest, so he brushes it aside.

“Where are the others?” he asks instead.

“They went to buy train tickets and some food.”

Fai raises his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“‘Syaoran’ was reading last night, and he found some clues that Sakura's feather is in the capital of a country next to this one!” Mokona raised their paws in the air expressively.

“But don’t we always land in the country that the feather is in?” Fai inquires.

“That’s because Mokona is drawn to the feather’s wavelength. That’s why everyone was able to find the feathers not terribly far away. Mokona just landed a little farther off this time, and everyone is near the border of this country, too.”

“Is that so?” He sets Mokona down on the coffee table as he rises to his feet.

“Yep, yep! Mokona thinks that maybe the train ride will be fun!”

Fai smiles, short and fake and grim. “Yes…”

He thinks to himself, “Not at all.” Maybe for Mokona’s sake and, less likely, the Princess’s, something like that could be superficially “fun.” But not for real. Or at least not for Fai.

He can taste Kurogane’s blood from last night in his mouth, and cringes. He had fun before. And he had learned his lesson.

**Author's Note:**

> Endnotes:  
> I always thought Mokona was drawn to the feather’s wavelengths while landing in a dimension that has a feather. That’s just about the only explanation as to how they never have to travel through countries in their searches. (Imagine the group going globe trekking! XD)  
> And for the record, I almost always refer to both of the Mokonas as “they” and “them.” I know they were given genders in the drama CDs, but I still look at them as non-gendered. And using “they” isn't too strange for me, as I am androgynous myself.  
> If anyone has any comments or suggestions, I appreciate that very much. I also like prompts, so if anyone ever has one, just leave it in the comments and I will do my best to fill it. And if you’d like for me to note that you were the one who requested and provided the prompt, I will do that as well.  
> Thank you very much! :)


End file.
